Holy #!$@

Fill in the blank above depending on your liking, but that was all that kept filling my thoughts just now. We had to sign consents for the upcoming transplant which included my favorite- honest, straight talk from our doc about all the risks involved with transplant. It's his only option at this point so we don't really have much choice.

Usually these talks would reduce me to a worried pile of tearful mess. But this time, I didn't even well up. I asked God to help me keep it together. To remain positive. To tell myself that no matter what, he will pull through. He's Carter. If any kid could do it, he could.

I can feel myself growing. Getting stronger in a way. I guess it's a matter of realizing you can't control the future or the outcome. I realized that two days ago as I watched a squishy image pumping on a computer screen. That little beating mass of flesh is what keeps my baby alive and my world together. I can't make it start or keep beating, but I'm thankful it was formed and continues to give me Carter.

The talk is scary. The odds are scary. The risks are scary. But it's what we've got to do. There are risks but also he could brush through like a pro.

He will feel bad. He will be tested. He will probably throw up. I will cry. I will run through Charleston and drink more coffee than I should. But we will get through! I will be positive. I will smile. I will not focus on the negative. At least not constantly.

If anyone would want to send things in to Carter during his transplant, that would be awesome! He loves:

Miami stuff

Sports stuff

Athletic wear

Athletic/cool socks

Board games

Legos

Science stuff

Building sets

We will also be in need of

Carnation instant breakfast- chocolate

Dried fruit

Cheeze it's

Chicken noodle soup

Various snacks but no fresh fruits or veggies.

I will try to post the address as soon as possible.

Thanks to everyone for all the love and support!